The Essence of a Kingdom

This is going to be a frustrating thing to write about, but here goes:


The kingdom of heaven is here. It is now. But it is not everywhere. There is the possibility for it being everywhere, but it is not…at least not yet. So where is it then? And where is it not? When I try to explain where and what the kingdom of heaven is, it becomes very frustrating, partly, not wholly though, because the kingdom of heaven on earth is a glimpse of the eternity and eternity is too much for the mind to comprehend. Eternity is too much for the human to hold in and thus, parts of the kingdom can not be explained but only experienced and spoken about through stories. I think that the kingdom of heaven is a very tangible and practical thing yet at the same time, it is everything intangible and impractical all in one. This is where the frustration in explaining it comes from. The kingdom exists in mindsets and motives, in paradigms and paradoxes. It is everything that is right and good and pure and unified. It is and exists in a dimension unto itself, a dimension of the soul, where motives, thoughts, being, and relationships are the most real thing around. This dimension can only be experienced. It is ethereal and hard if not impossible to wrap our minds around, but we all fully know it, and we know it well. It is in the emotional ecstasy of hearing music that just fits with our souls that we feel and know the kingdom. It is in the deep seated hope of a person’s last breath that we know the kingdom. It is in the unity of a group of people who all click and understand each other in some way that transcends space and time that we feel the effects of the kingdom of heaven. It is everywhere. This is not contestable. It does not depend upon our acceptance of the fact. It just is. And all, not just Christians, not just “good people”, all have experienced it at some point. It is in the beauty of a dancer’s movement and emotion that wraps around the words and ideas of a song and bring them into these three dimensions causing all to understand something otherwise not understandable in a vivid way. It is in the cry of a newborn and the acknowledgment that they could one day be another Ghandi, Mother Theresa, or Paul. It is in a writer’s pen, flowing over the paper, expelling words that elegantly embody the beauty of the ideas they are trying to convey. It is in the quiet soul-searching of a Buddhist monk and the humility and submission of an aged Muslim. It is in all things true and good. It is in the deliberate choice of a human being to lay down their comfort and rights for justice for another. It is in community, the tearing down of personal walls and the laying out in the open of the painful and terrifying things.

This is why I think the arts are so beautiful and needed in our world. The arts essentially have the ability to take the kingdom of heaven, this ethereal and transcendental world of all that is good and right, and bring them to the brink of our imagination, so that we may only glimpse the beginnings of the beauty within.

And most of the time, I think the church misses this completely. I cannot explain why, but often when I am taking part in a church service or event that is intended to bring this kingdom to earth, I end up feeling nothing. I end up feeling manipulated. And the kingdom never has to be manipulated. It never should be. Why is it that it is so hard sometimes to break through this barrier between this physical world and the world of the soul. Why do we struggle so much, at times, to bring the beauty of the soul into the world of three dimensions? The kingdom prevails when the soul chooses to take part in these experiences and though we cannot see it, it is there, and it is beautiful and it can be brought here, and it is. In so many ways. Ministry is about figuring out how.

Furthermore, if the kingdom of heaven is the embodiment of good and rightness in a world transcending our three dimensional world yet being brought into it in so many ways, then the kingdom of hell is the exact opposite…the embodiment of evil and un-rightness in a world transcending our three dimensional world yet being brought into it all the time. The kingdom of hell is in the satisfaction of true human needs by temporary means, in such a way as to lull us into this never ending cycle of feeling the depth of this need, and then desiring something temporary to cover up the pain of our lack. It exists in our hatred and desire to bring another person down to raise ourselves up. It exists in our desire to be known and recognized in an attempt to “stand out” in the lifeboat…to attain the soothing applause of the circus audience. The list could go on. But what it does is steal, kill, and destroy all the good things that God has in store for a person and for humanity. And what does our God do? He gives us a choice. And surprisingly we often choose the choice that hurts the most, for reasons I really don’t understand. As humans, we have these basic desires and needs that must be met, and both kingdoms offer answers to these. One is eternal, one is temporary. One is true and one is false. One feels good in an eternally good kind of way and one feels good in a fleshly wrong kind of way. And this is what defines our decisions. Are we willing to choose to be a part of the one that is good and true and eternal, yet not easy, or are we always going to take part in the one that is temporary and false yet feels so good now and is simple but empty. It doesn’t even feel good now…it feels good for like a second and then it kills you inside and carves ever deeper the cavern in your heart desiring true love and acceptance.

I don’t know…this is huge. This is everything. And everything could never fit in this blog…so I am leaving it at that.

"Living for the World"

So we've all heard people say "living for world vs. living for God" in one way or another. I have said it before. You probably have to. But I think that that mindset as a whole within the church has done more damage than good. I think we have given the enemy far too much power over the idea of "the world" and if we are to be people living for God's dream for the world, then that word, "the world", deserves a little redemption. Because if we never change our outlook on the world, we will never live as though it is being redeemed. We will always view it negetively, as sort of the antithesis to God and his ways, which, I believe, is one reason (small as it may be) why so many Christians live as if this world is going to waste and "real life" is after death and until then, we can treat the this place as some throw-away earth. It is time that living for the world and living for God be brought into harmony and that we begin to think of the world in the context the Psalmist puts it in when he says "the earth is the Lord's and everything in it." That everywhere is holy ground, being redeemed and brought back into harmony with its Creator. Living for the world, I would argue, is what we are here for and living for God cannot be separated from it.

this is definitely a good day

i would say this is one of those days that you always look forward to even when you don't know they are coming just because they are supposed to happen. do you want to know why? because today is a snowday! and i didn't have to go to school. I'm very relaxed right now...just sittin here looking out the window and watching the snow fall...and its freakin beautiful.

I'm trying to decide whether or not i should study today to keep up with school so that tomorrow i would have very little homework. That'd probly be the smart thing to do since mom probly wont let me drive anywhere. haha i love days when i have nothing to do.

just beneath the surface (**or is it real?)...the messiness of a kingdom

I like things when they are organic. Without hype. Without show. Without any sense that I’m being sold anything. I wish there was some way to keep a church organic that still allows for growth in numbers at the same time. Maybe that is why the small group ministry is so effective when those small groups form out of their own will and desire to see God’s kingdom brought to earth. One small group starts up and then another group forms and then another, and then, all of a sudden, you begin to see this bigger picture of the kingdom of God being established on earth organically while growth is occurring. At some point, leaders may decide to interlink some of the small groups but it is only after they are firmly established with their own identity and their own passion that this decision takes place, which is what keeps it from turning manipulative or de-liberating. There is never a sense of trying to conjure up passion in the “attendees” because the passion is what draws them there in the first place.

Large administrative structures work best when a they were started and birthed out of a small group rather than small groups being birthed out of a larger administration (i.e. empty shell). Something that begun as organic will most likely never turn into something inorganic and formulaic, no matter how large it gets, it can only grow to resemble (though much more authentically) the purpose behind what the “right-off-the-bat” large administrative church is trying to do.

In the same way, something that was begun as inorganic and perfectly structured can never turn into something organic and spontaneous, it can only try to imitate it, and even then, this imitation is cheap.

I think that small groups birthed out of a larger church structure can work, as long as those within them choose to make them work but even then, this task would prove extremely difficult.

This approach to ministry allows a validity and a “real-ness”…an air of spontaneity and room for error. It allows honest, open deliberation. It allows misunderstanding, “working together” to solve the misunderstandings usually not found within a purposely large and administratively oriented church.

Maybe this is why large churches often seem like shells, where one goes and expects to find some sense of reality just beneath the big fake surface, yet finds none. (either because it was never there to begin with or it was lost in the process of getting “bigger and better” and “revamped”) Maybe this is why organic churches that somehow grow into larger things, yet still remain true to their roots are so refreshing. Because it is within this structure that one goes and finds the genuine-ness and openness and honesty right before their very eyes…so they don’t have to look for it “right beneath the surface.” It’s because these churches began with the pure desire of a few people to come together for a common goal and that desire has remained first priority.

A lot of “larger than life” churches fail because they make the aspiration to conjure up that desire in people more important than the desire itself and thus simplify it (and all its greatness) to a manipulative, in-the-box, clean, cut-and-dry ministry.

I think, at least for me, that it is out of this framework for the church that I sense the bigger things that God is doing in the world the most easily because the organic church was brought through the earth itself and not simply formed on top of it.

Teshuvah

I want to explore the idea of Jesus saying “repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.” I think the traditional interpretation of that verse is that it is telling us to confess and turn away from sin because the kingdom of heaven beyond this life is coming quickly and if we don’t confess all our sins before we die then we won’t make it into a place called heaven. If you look at it from this perspective it seems that heaven is only something for later and that we should focus on the sins we commit and confess them which could turn into an obsession with your sins. There is some truth to this, in that we should confess our sin but we don’t have to obsess about it or remember it. This philosophy says that life doesn’t matter as much because all this life is for is repenting (confessing) and struggling (trying to be perfect (something you don’t think you are so you try desperately to become it)) through to the prize at the end of the tunnel, eternal life. That this is mortal life and death will magically usher us into eternal life. But only if we confess all of our sins or “repent”.

But what if we look at what the word “repent” really means. “Repent” in Hebrew means “to return.” So in effect, this verse is saying “Return, for the kingdom of heaven, this eternal life, is nearer than you thought. It isn’t just for the afterlife, it is for now, and I am proof to you of that.” I think this puts a whole new perspective on what life is about and what heaven is. Return to what? To living a more holy life? To sinning less? To living righteously? To following Jesus? To reading our bible and praying more? I don’t think any of these show exactly what this is trying to say, because all of these things are just telling us to do more, to do something we aren’t already doing in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. What if the emphasis isn’t on entering the kingdom of heaven but instead on “being” the kingdom. What if Ghandi was right when he said “be the change you want to see in the world.” And if there is the possibility of “being” the kingdom of God, then there’s more than just doing to this whole thing. It’s about being, not something you aren’t already, and not changing into someone you aren’t; Not being someone you’re not, but being who you are. Returning to who you were created to be. Returning to the “heaven” that is already within you. Maybe heaven is in all of us but we just stray from it. The father of the prodigal son was his father all along, not just once he got home. What if our Father’s image is truly burned upon every one of us in such a way that you can’t deny it, it’s just hidden beneath so much of the stuff we choose that isn't part of bringing His kingdom to earth. Heaven was meant to be brought to earth because heaven is already within all of us. What if it’s less about doing more and more to “get into heaven” and more about becoming more and more of who you already are by bringing the kingdom of heaven to earth through your actions. Maybe Rob Bell is right when he says hell can be brought to earth too and everyone either brings heaven or hell to earth everyday. So in light of all of this, what Jesus is really saying here is, “Return to who you already are, to being a part of the kingdom of heaven on earth, here & now, not because you want to get into some happy little place after you die, but because I want to dwell on earth forever now and I believe in you, that you can bring my kingdom here, by letting the “heaven”, the “eternity” created within you to come out of you and to spill out all over the world around you, bringing it into the kingdom. This eternal life thing is for here and now and will go on to there and then, but it starts here and you have got to realize that I came to teach you how to live that way, not to teach you how to die and then get into heaven but to teach you how to bring heaven here and start now, not then. Here it begins, with you being who you were created to be, who you already are. Learning to do that will be hard because you’ve lived for so long astray from that and doing things that have brought hell to earth. Start living this way, and you will mess up, your old self will come back to haunt you, but when it does, admit it, confess it, and move on, and continue learning about your new self and by learning about your new self which really is your old self anyways, you are bringing the kingdom here and now, and that is exactly what you were created to do.”

Eternity is already written on the hearts of men.

The Finished Product

It took a month and a half but here are the final pictures of my room. I LOVE it. Its really nice and a good place to just chill. The only thing left is to get my bedframe, which is coming this friday. It is cast iron and will fit well with everything else in there. I am blessed with so much. I can't thank my family enough. they take care of me...extremely well...and i hope i never take that for granted.

New Carpet FINALLY

So I'm sitting here, with hammers sounding in the background as the carpet man puts in our new carpet. (He's singing loudly to himself because i don't think he knows I'm up here haha.) It has been almost exactly one month since we moved in and the day after we moved in was the day that the madness of the sewer line began. Needless to say, I've been sleeping in my living room, packed full of stuff for about a month now, without a room of my own. I thought I'd put up a few pictures to show you all what's been going on.

this is my room before the sewer broke, as I was unpacking it (with some friends' help as you can see)

Then the next night, we had to move everything out of it because the sewer line broke and water was coming out everywhere. it was a little bit of madness if i've ever seen it.

So, we had to have all the carpet removed and dehumidifiers in every room of the basement

We had the sewer company come and dig up our yard to fix the problem

And this is where I've been sleeping for a month. In the midst of all the basement furniture. I really don't mind it actually. The room has windows all the way around and a really nice view. I actually set up my computer over in that corner you can see in the picture so it's really becoming very normal as the days go on.

But I am definitely ready to have my own space again. So after tonight, I will be back in my bedroom and all will be well.